It is a new year, and as I think about how I want to take advantage of this fresh start, I realized that the me I really want to improve is the online me–that is, the me I present on all of my social media. Therefore, as I seek to grow my online health, personality, and existence, I have put together a list of New Year’s Resolutions for 2014. These are loosely based on the famous resolutions of Jonathan Edwards. Maybe you can add some of these to your list…
1. Resolved, to post at least 3 selfies a day to remind myself how beautiful I am.
2. Resolved, to get into at least one argument in the comments section of Facebook with a total stranger once a day.
3. Resolved, to update my Facebook profile every time I finish a run, walk, or crawl with my time, distance, and a complete map of my ever step with a self-narrated play by play of the event. It’s for accountability, of course.
4. Resolved, to post at least 3 photos of my kids each day. The world needs to realize how cute they are.
5. Resolved, to update the world daily concerning my attempts at healthy eating, whether via an Instagram photo of my dinner, update about the lunch menu, etc. Again, it’s for accountability.
6. Resolved, to post daily a four paragraph long rant to Facebook concerning a political, news, or social item that I am woefully undereducated about.
7. Resolved, to visit Buzzfeed (and repost) at least thrice daily.
8. Resolved, to update my friends every time I do a sit-up, push-up, or pull-up. In fact, any time I do any kind of “-up”, the world shall immediately be notified.
9. Resolved, to be passive aggressive, posting updates about certain someones who have really hurt my feelings.
10. Resolved, to live tweet during every sporting event I watch. Others care about my immediate reactions to that last play, and if they don’t, they need to learn to, because two annoying T.V. commentators are never enough.
These are my resolutions. May I come to the end of 2014 and find success in all these endeavors.
Happy New Year!