Ladies, I don’t mean to rat your man out, but I’m being honest when I say you are expecting too little of him. Here are some tell-tale signs:
- He acts like he doesn’t know how to feed the kids and put them to bed by himself so you can have just one night to spend with your girlfriends.
- He claims he doesn’t know how to change a diaper.
- Whenever you ask him to help out with dinner, he gives you the same “I couldn’t even boil water” routine.
- Whenever you do get a chance to talk with your girlfriends, you’re always referring to your husband as “one of the kids”.
Moms, if you find this to be the case with your husband, you don’t have to put up with the “I’m as dumb as I look” expression he constantly gives you. Your husband may be dumb, but he’s not braindead. Forward this article along to him, in genuine Christian love, because it’s time for guys to take a serious look at how we are leading–or not leading–our families.
Dads: It’s time to dad up.
I’m speaking to the dads out there. You are a businessman. During the 9 to 5, you manage a team of thirty individuals who engineer highly complex projects. You juggle thousands of bits of information at work. You handle tough customers, angry bosses, and disgruntled employees.
And yet you can’t manage a team of three grouchy kids whose only objective is to get more food into their mouths than onto their pajamas?
You are constantly gaining new skills at work. You attend training conferences. You learn new technologies. You read manuals. You study and memorize company policies. You gain valuable experience that you proudly polish on your gleaming resumé.
And yet you act like learning to change a diaper would be like a handless man learning to do sign language?
You would never be willing to tolerate an employee who refused to grow and learn. You know your boss would never accept, “I don’t have time for that” or “I’m just not able to do that” for an answer. You don’t make excuses at work, and you don’t appreciate others who make excuses.
And yet you expect your wife to continually make concessions for you because…well, you’re a guy and we all know mom just can’t expect much from dad?
Brothers, come on.
Dads, if you can’t learn to change a diaper–or in my case, learn to change a cloth diaper (which involves regularly getting your child’s you-know-what on your hands)–it can’t be because you’re too dumb or ill-coordinated to do it. We’ve all heard you brag a thousand times about that incredibly skilled catch you made during your junior high football career. You can’t learn because you don’t want to learn.
Our wives toil at home. They put up with screaming kids, dirty laundry, filthy kitchens, and diapers all day. It’s a wonder to me how they continue to persevere when we come home and throw our hands up with that stupid “Beats me!” look on our faces right before we plop down on the couch to read our ESPN app and watch T.V. until dinner magically appears on the table.
Our faithful wives need us to bring home the problem-solving, multi-tasking, challenge-accepting man that we were all day at work. She needs the kind of man who steps up to the challenge at the changing table. She wants the kind of man who is willing to be her sous chef in the kitchen. She longs for the kind of man who shoos her out of the house at 6:30pm to spend the evening with her friends while he puts out all the fires at home and gets the kids to bed.
Do you love her?
Guys, we are better than this. The love of Christ compels us. We must look not to our own interests but to the interests of our wives and kids (Phil. 2:4). God made us problem-solvers not primarily so that we would make good employees and bosses, but so that we would make good husbands and fathers. Serve your wife like Christ. Humble yourself and take the form of a servant (Phil. 2:7). Ask her to teach you how to cook, or to do laundry, or to put the kids to bed, or to change diapers. Tell her you want to learn so that you can serve her better.
As you do, your wife will see a picture of our Savior, who loved us enough to come get mud on his fingers, touch leprous rags stained with blood and puss, and stoop to wash dung-caked disciples’ feet. As you lay down your life for her in the home, Jesus Christ will be glorified. Your kids will grow up watching a dad whose “glorious” career never made him too big of a man to do the dishes or to wipe their bottoms.
Sometimes we make the love of Christ into a lofty, ethereal reality. Guys, loving your wife like Christ loves the Church is concrete and tangible. It begins at the end of the workday when you drop your briefcase by the door, walk into the kitchen, kiss your wife, and say, “How can I serve you?”
